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April 7, 2020
Satire & Sarcasm

A few, easy steps to stun your In-laws if you have a Bald Head, on your Ruracio Day

Things beyond our control may happen, and some may steal your self-confidence and leave you depressed. A little ingenuity, though, can have such natural personal disasters under control in no time. Like, premature baldness, for instance.

Bad timing. Your Ruracio is coming up next, and the squad doesn’t seem to tire of ‘Bald-Head Jokes’.

Here’s how to shock them out of their wits, and effortlessly nail that Ruracio. Ignore your Lady if she insists that SHE doesn’t mind. Of course she does. That’s called platitude.

Step 1: Make a firm decision that you, indeed, need hair, on ‘baldness’ that’s been certified to be bald.

Also Read: Fake dreadlocks Vs Real dreadlocks. No Contest !

Step 2: Get a regular weave from your neighborhood salon, say, Vera Sidika Beauty Parlour.

Step 3: Shave clean the affected area. Smooth like a baby’s butt.

Step 4: Apply adhesive in strips on the smooth-shaved area. Generously, senor. Industrial adhesive? No.

Step 5: Use your hands to spread the adhesive evenly, like lotion.

If you still pessimistic, listen to Vera Sidika’s new hit single, Nalia. Not at all related to this disaster-management procedure, but just that the lady can actually sing, and be good at it, is inspiring. It’s no longer just about booty.

Step 6: Lay the strands of hair, from the middle. The curly type is the best option.

Step 7: Lay the strands as close as possible, towards the sides.

Step 8: Cover the entire top part that was clean-shaven smooth. Like Cabro stones on a city lane.

Step 9: Loosely cut off the strands of hair that hang over the brow, the forehead, if you please.

Step 10: Wear a tight shower cap, or steal one of those ugly, old stockings you hate that she uses in bed.

Also Read: The ‘Streetkid Minister’ cop, Re-known for his work with homeless families, seeks Justice

It’s drying time. Depending on the quality of the adhesive you’ve chosen to use, may take half an hour, or so. You can call your gang at this point, and tell them to meet you at the local. You’ll be buying tonight.

Step 11: Get a shaving machine and trim the upper flaying ends of the attached hair.

Step 12: Shave as desired. Be creative.

Attend that Ruracio, and face off the in-laws like a boss.


Look out for a sequel to this post, on ‘How to get rid of the adhesive on your scalp’. I hope you didn’t use industrial adhesive, sire.

Also Read: Bizarre Uber trip with Fast & Furious Felistine

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